SCARED…

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Hey, do you ever feel scared? Do you even know what scared is? Scared is when you got so much dirty baggage but you can not tell anyone. Scared is when you sad and telling people about it just so damn hard, you don’t even know how to start. Don’t understand how to show empathy or condolences in a normal people way. Do not understand how to be normal like other people. And because of that, you feel screwed every time. Hows that for a definition of SCARED?!

And I am, scared…

The Impossibilities is endless…

Last night, I thought I had such a great time. Was watching Doctor Strange awesomeness till that post end credit, which is totally amazeballs! After that, had a nice conversation with a kind Gojek driver. I started the conversation, which by mile, never happens in my life if not necessary or in a no choice situation. Never happens with strangers. But, last nite, I feel happy and I just thought why not try? Start asking how long he’s been working as Gojek driver, how he join them, and then it’s just flow. I feel great! I feel normal! I feel like I could, be normal.

This morning, I feel great. I’m thinking this is it, I’ll be fine. I’m changing. Hoping that it will only get better and better, if not easier. At least, I’ll survive.

But, with afternoon came along all the symptomps. Headache start building pain without mercy, lungs are out of air – it’s hard to even think to take a breath let alone taking a deep breath. Then the weary and worry filling my head like heavy rain. I’m back to square one. 

And now, what am I thinking? Well, should I even think? I don’t even know what I could possibly thinking of. I coulf only mumbling, about the impossibilities that seems endless for someone like me… 

Shcmidt!

Cut off the strings…

Last night and this morning, i delete some posts on my blog. All  containing my photos, my friends picture, and any post that might indicate my very existance on this blog. I decided that I need to take em of, cause I don’t want people I know to read about my condition or what I’m dealing with and make them thinking some stuff. Even tho’ few might already new. I don’t want to bump into unwanted situation that might be just around the corner. So, I decided to cut it off…

Thought it be easier like this, better, or safer at least…

Ciao.